Is It Love or Lust? MMM Just Maybe Baby!

I have been out of the dating circus for almost four years.  Omg, so when I decided to look into maybe ah ah ah, dating, I had to do an about face, because was I ready for love, or was I looking to just get laid?  Coming to terms, or dealing with your emotions can be exhausting to say the least.  In the three years that when by to quickly, I have invested highly in the most valuable commodities, and that was me! So back to love or laid, I put an ad and met someone, that was so highly wound up, woo-hoo let me tell you, not happening.  Then the next man was a lunch date, and that was such a refreshing experience.  The man brought me flower, beautiful, and lunch and company was more than ok.  Now to the getting laid emotions, not a young inexperienced woman, but a well kept and cared for, emotionally ready older woman, that just can't get into sex with someone that I don't love.  When I say love, let me clarify it; I love my friends both male and female, so for me there are definitely many levels of love.  So to just have sex for the hell of it, is so not me.  But for that special man I will trust to be my lover, well good God almighty, he will get both from me; love and lust all within the high end of the healthy perimeters.  Lol, wow it really sets you free, to just be you, and love every moment we're here.  So take a bit, if you will but that's going to leave a mark!

Setting Ourselves Free

SOF:
Setting ourselves free, from all the dramas,  trauma, and anything between the lines.
Our wondrous heart knows what, and when it needs, it's our stubbornness that gets us off course.  So what now, what next?  Well first get our heads out of, you know where, ok I'll play nice get our heads out of the sand holes , there is that better?  I like to think of it as, we are free falling, with our eyes wide open.  The adrenalin high, the omg I'm going to die, or wow, this is truly the coolest thing that has ever happen to me!  Now honestly I have felt all these things, but now I want more of the coolest thing happening to me, everyday, in the simplest to extraordinary things.  To have the dare-devil attitude to love, and be loved, and love like, that free falling into it.  Now, that's my heart speaking loud and proud!  So I have started taking back, what I gave so freely to the wrong people, and giving it out big, by how I smile, and cooking with so much love in it, it's intoxicating  I'm sure.  Our hearts really knows how to love, and be loved, so just for today, practice listening to your heart.  When your talking with someone, that you are attracted too, but are not wanting to get hurt, stop right there and listen; is your heart beating faster, and stronger. Sometimes learning to trust ourselves is as hard as trusting someone else.  My New Years resolution is; to trust myself first.  

What? Did I Just Miss Something?

There have been many times when, I felt this so strongly!  I would have to say, this was when I was burning the candle at both ends.  Did love just walked up to me, and say hello?  And was my reaction, awe he was just being nice, his nice to everyone.  Lol, I must have lost my mind right?  But how many, many times do we do this crazy act of insanity?  They say, the eyes are the gateway to our souls.  So in life yes we get it all wrong at times, and then there are those incredible moments, when we not only get it, we score big!  I was listening to the pastor's message today, and he gave an example of us being spheres as individuals, that connecting together when we worship, that connects us to the ultimate sphere of God.  This so connect, and resonate with my soul.  So in my journey in a healed heart speaking out, I have accepted that, I will and do screw up most of the time, and big.  But I have to look for the diamonds in the ruff, and know that I am too, that diamond, that is polished by pain, purged by fire, and brilliant by design.  In the simplest terms I will use is; don't sweat it; roll with the punches;  let it roll off you, like water off a duck, really?  I get such a kick of all the phrases, to make the same point, it tickles my funny bone.  So What, if we miss something:!  Is it big, sometimes it will be, will this be the end to life we know it?  For some yes, but most no, life does not come with a manual, that tells you what to look for, and watch out for either.  And if there was a manual, I can most assure you, I would screw it up, and not in defiance, but as one that does truly walk to the beat of a different drum, strum.  Until the next time, my hopes for you is, much peace in your hearts, as listening towhat our heart has to say!

Look Inside For All Our Answer!

Boy how many times have you ask for advise, that you already knew the answer? I tell you, if I had a dollar for every time, I knew the answer, I'd be very, very wealthy!   So why do we seek for outside help, when we are so very capable with all the many wonderful gifts we possess.  There are so many reasons, but for myself there is only one reason; not trusting myself.  We will and do make many mistakes, and for the most part, that will better ourselves and our world around us.  So today is the last of 2012, I encourage you to trust, and love yourself for the many, or even for the one special gift; that you are!  Also I challenge you to seek God, and yourself for all the answer to all the questions you have, and you could call this your new years resolution!  Happy New Years my friends!
 Love Suzanne

OMG I'm Cursed, Really?

Today somehow the subject of feeling cursed came up, so I though this would be a great topic. So here I go:  I was born on a rainy day, gloomy and doomy, the sky's were starless, so on and so on.  Boy how is it we could ever feel cursed?  There are times when we are walking and going through the fire, that these feelings are fueled by our bad decisions, and other times just in the wrong place at the right time.  The wear and tear to our bodies, let alone our minds and spirit, so very draining.  That is wears us down till we start believing that maybe we could be cursed, and then there are people(s)  that add the fuel into believing in the cursed syndrome.  They may say, "wow, you must have done something really bad to have this kind of karma coming at you", or "you must be a bad person."  I could think of some really choice words to express my feeling about these kind people(s), none of them good. lol   There motives are very questionable.  I have personally experienced these type of remarks that fed into my low self esteem, which made me feel I was very cursed, and shame on them for ever uttering word as these.   Remembering back to the traumas that I lived through, stirred up strong emotions, of the I know that I know, that I'm not cursed.  Not only are we stronger wiser from the trauma and the hurts that scared us.  We are survivors, a living testimony of how the human spirit is alive and well in us.  So if we allow ourselves to buy into the I'm cursed syndrome, what is this doing to our heart?  Back again to the balancing of the body, mind and spirit.  How can we grow and heal, and be strong if we are holding on to this ridiculous believe of being cursed?  So once again it is vital to guard our minds to what we allow to grow in our believe system.  Think about this, if we believe we are cursed, then our spiritual life is affected, and that the curses are great and strong than our God, and that he is weak, and we really don't have faith in him.  I believe God is bigger, and greater than any situation we can face.  This did not happen over night, it took sometime to build up to.  I learned to rewords my thoughts and my words to reflect this believe. 

Don't Look To The Past, To Find Love Again!

Boy this title was a tough!  Because doesn't it just kill you, well I'm being dramatic, but doesn't just about kill you when your heart has been broke into millions of pieces, and just as the last piece  is in place, the person(s) that cause us so much pain tries to come back into our lives.  Oh yeah they will say they have missed you, and just want to be friends!  Boy if I had a nickle for every time I heard that one, I be very wealthy!  And yes I convince myself I was the bigger person and I had forgiven and yes we could be friends.  Then something snaps and that love we felt for them just about runs us over. Needless to say, If it didn't workout the first time around, more than likely this will end very badly for us!  I feel if we need a friend, we probably shouldn't look in a dumper for one, but expand our horizons and pick one or more of the many other person(s) here on planet Earth.  I think I like my odds much better with a new, new friend, than a heart breaker, recycled friend.  Don't get me wrong I'm all for recycling and helping to save our environment, but a recycle friend, no I'll pass.  Forgiveness is great and I highly recommend it, not for the other person(s), but for ourselves.  It keeps us from bitterness, anger and just all around bad karma!  Because lets face it, and even put a label on it.  This relationship has an expiration date, and that date has come and gone.  I mean who would eat or drink something that has expired?  Yuk, so its the little details that helps to put thing into place, and well it helps to act on, and recall the memories, and not let our heart cloud our judgments.  Because what feels good at first can lead to playing Russian roulette, even with the best intentions in mind.  Remember the medic that has to do the patch up jobs on us, when we choose badly.  Our heart loves to love, and as a whole body, mind and spirit connection we owe it to ourselves to trust and listen to the warning, warning, abort, abort messages.  Because if we can hear it, and choose to ignore it, well then its check in time at the heart break hotel once again.  I hope you'll try out the, "This relationship has officially expired, and it's out of here!"   

The Pains of Joy!

Well its been less than a week since my spinal tap, and Owie it still hurts.  But the flip side is I'm still alive and kicks!  I have to say the first few days after I got out of hospital, I wanted to go back!  The pain in my head and neck and lower back, and the feeling of having to throw up, yuk!  So today I awoke and no headache ahhhh, and giving myself time to heal, and not rush myself back to quickly, because I'm famous for that!  I'm happy, really happy, I have a roof over my head, enough food for my belly, and I am loved.  Weather it be one or many that love me, or just that I love myself, that works for me.  This is how joy happens, so If we stop just enough to allow joy to outweigh the pain, then my friend we are in the black and not the red.  Ok, I got into the bookkeepers way of saying it, red being we are spent out, and black we are in the clear and ok!  And for those that are thinking mmm, how does this have anything to do with a healed heart speaks out, will let me tell you then!  Our wonderful heart beats stronger and steadier, when our body, mind, spirit are in balance and aligned.  And if we can and do laugh and not take ourselves so seriously, life is so much more sweeter.  Like the late Jackie Gleason would say, " Oh how sweet it is!"  So if I were to draw a map of this amazing feat, it would be different for each one of us, but there would be one thing that is the same, and that sameness connect us all to one another!  So and owie and or boo boo on our finger, is not life-threatening,  but it is how we react to this or any other incidents.  So it's a big piece of cake right?